I was feeling lonely, depressed and sitting alone just doing nothing at all. Just gazing out of the window and a soft sad song was playing in the background. But I was not in the mood to listen to it either.
Sometimes you miss someone so much that you simply don’t feel like doing anything at all. No music, no reading, no activity, no long rides and no attempts to divert your mind work.
Even alcohol does not work because after having it you miss the person even more. Rather than the physical pain the emotional pain kills a person.
23 long years had passed since I had lost my ‘only’ friend. I always blamed myself for her demise and never ever wished to make any friend thereafter.
But then someone came into my life like a ray of hope. At first, I resisted accepting that I was once again going to fall in love with someone but time made me do so.
But my ray of hope was short-lived. It was not a ray of hope, it was a rainbow… Soon my new friend got TOO BUSY, she had own family, aspirations and dreams.
I kept on waiting for her call, a message – but all I got was a ” busy status”. Although in her what’s app status she had mentioned ” available”, she was always busy.
I tried a lot many times in all possible ways to tell her as to how miserable I felt if we did not communicate, but she never understood it. All she felt was that she was only a call away.
It was true that she was just a call away and never ever denied to talk with me whenever I called her but then… I could sense from her voice that she was busy with something else. The love in her texts, the concern in her voice was all lost somewhere.
She had time for everything except me. Out of the 24 hours available it was difficult for her to give me just 1 minute even. Often she would drop a message on what’s app and log off not even waiting for me to revert back.
She knew that I waited for her ” good morning” messages every single day but at times she would just log in and log off what’s app without even caring for me. All she said was love does not always need expression. Her messages made each day special and without her message each day was like HELL.
At times I would get angry, hurt myself the other times I would simply cry! She occupied my mind for 24 hours even at night I used to dream about her and utter her name. she always used to say that ” I LOVE EXTREMES” and it was true! I stopped using what’s app because she was not there….Everything in my life began with her and ended with her only!
I used to record her all calls so that whenever I missed her, I would listen to it. It was music for my soul.
Slowly everything changed and I had to accept that I was all alone once again. There were bound to be few calls, no what’s app chats nothing at all left in the relationship anymore which showed that we loved one another.
There was just a series of misunderstandings between us. Although we loved each other but failed to communicate. Rather she never desperately felt a need for it and I always felt that it was needed to make a relationship last forever!
So, I decided to sit in a lawn and have a cup of tea. Tea was one thing which never left me and it was my 2 am friend. That evening, I was just sipping a hot cup of tea with her thoughts in my mind when I saw a long line of ants. I saw that however busy they were in their own work still they would meet the ant coming from other direction and touch their heads with one another. Later they got engrossed in their own work.
I smiled a bit seeing how they took out the time from their busy lives just to say hello to one another. Little insects, even they knew that it was necessary to stay in touch which we humans seldom understand and accept.
I don’t know why tears rolled up my eyes seeing their love for one another. But I really don’t know what was going on in my mind. I took a small thin stick and tried to break their line. I tried to break it once and twice but every time they would go and assemble together again.
Somehow the pain that my best friend didn’t love me the way I wanted kept on hurting me. So I took the thin stick and separated one ant from the group. I picked it up delicately and kept it on my table. I was watching its efforts to go back and I was making desperate attempts not to allow it to go.
Still, somehow it managed to climb down. I was furious this time and picked it up. Later I made a big circle boundary with the help of water on the table which was dry inside and kept it in the inner core. The ant was trying desperately to go out from all the sides but it could not and I was feeling happy. I don’t know why.
I was really sad to see that the other ants kept themselves busy and did not even bother to look for the missing ant. Sometimes I would presume myself as the trapped ant. It was a mind game. But I was feeling a bit relaxed.
Slowly but consistently the trapped ant was making more efforts to go out. I felt that no one cared for her and her group did not even feel her absence. Neither her presence nor her absence made any difference to anybody.
Slowly I made up my mind that the I /ant has to die! I kept on narrowing the circle filling it with a little more water each time and watching the ant struggle to go back to her friends.
All her legs were wet and the ant could barely walk now. I dried it a little bit and again it began to struggle to go out. It did not give up till the last moment. I silently kept on watching it’s struggle.
But if I could not get my loved one back in my life, why should I allow it to????
Finally, I filled up circle with full water and watched the little ant die.
I wiped my eyes with a tissue paper and with the same tissue wiped the table on which lay the dead ant. My mind went blank. Emotionally I was dead now even though physically I was living!
Later I uttered,
No one is always busy,
It’s just a question of priorities,
If someone seriously wants to be with you,
They will never find excuses,
rather they will make efforts.
It takes less than a minute to let someone know that you miss them…
And ” IF” someone really loves you, they won’t miss a chance to express it…
I used to quarrel a lot with my sister that she did not love me the way I wanted rather she never expressed it the way I wished. She was a totally positive girl with a pure heart and she loved me too but I sometimes mistrust her. Rather I trusted her but her failure to acknowledge her love for me made me go mad.
One fine day she did not call me or chat with me for five consecutive days and I was feeling depressed, lonely and felt that she has deleted me from her life.
She always had an excuse that she was pretty busy with one or another thing and if I ever compared my love for her and that of her love for her husband she would casually reply that ” both are different” or else that ” we both aren’t finding any time together these days” and the matter would end here. I could never stretch it beyond that point.
My point was only that if she really missed me, loved me she should at least express it sometime. ….. not always…
Anyways I could never convince her in this regard and from her point of view she was pretty correct. I expected a lot from her even without knowing whether she felt it with the same intensity or not. Maybe she never ever felt like expressing it. Maybe she never felt it the way I did.
One fine day I was too much irritated sitting idle, thinking of her and my friend guessed that something was wrong with my mood.
He immediately took me out for a long drive and we sat in a cafe having tea. I was not in a mood to talk with him even … I narrated my problem to him and he asked me to accompany him to a place.
We went to a far off place which was too green and a small canal nearby. Surroundings made me even sadder. Because this was the place which was too close to my heart and whenever my sister visited us, we would surely go to that place. It made me feel nostalgic.
Then we went to a dense area covered with trees and he showed me short weed which grew there. He asked how it was possible that it grew there and sustained without sunlight?
I said that it must be getting a little bit of sunlight which might be just sufficient for it to grow. God has plans for everyone.
Later he told me… ” aren’t you the same as the little weed? You too are getting your desired quota of love from your sister but the problem is you go on asking for more. God knows how much is ‘just needed’ for you to carry on. why do you ask for more and remain unhappy yourself and make your sister unhappy too???”
I was speechless after hearing it. I henceforth promised myself that I won’t ask for any more proofs from her that she loved me and will keep in touch with her no matter whether she is able to make it or not. At least it will keep her happy.
Although secretly in my heart I sometimes do wish that she should express her love for me but now on I won’t beg for it and LET HER REMAIN HAPPY!
As a child, I always wanted to have a dog as my pet but mother always rejected it and she had her own special reasons for it apart from the ones which relate to taking care of the dog. I knew she loved me and would not mind if I brought a street dog and try to tame it. But she was correct in her own ways.
Once I was playing outside and found a newspaper advertisement for the sale of puppies. I immediately asked my mother to dial the number and inquire about the price. My mom was hesitant but looking to my long demand for the puppy she called up.
She had already inquired about the price and all of the puppies were priced somewhere between Rs 1000 to Rs 1500. Hence she deliberately told me that she just had a budget of Rs 800 and we would buy a puppy only if we get it at that price.
Still, we went to see the puppies. I was too much happy to see the puppies. There were in total 7 puppies to be sold but only 6 were shown to us. I asked the owner about the 7th puppy. He told me that it was not appropriate for me and hence he didn’t show it to me.
This made me more curious about the 7th puppy. What was so ” inappropriate” about it? I just wanted to know. So I pressed hard on the thing that I won’t buy any puppy unless I see the 7th one.
As such too the owner did not agree to bargain and it was impossible to get a puppy for Rs 800.
At last a lady came out with the 7th puppy. It was dark black in colour and was limping. I immediately inquired about its price and the owner told me that he would give it to me just for Rs 100. My mom did not wish to take one more liability home so she did not agree. And we both went home.
At night, I could not sleep properly. The thought of my black beauty who limped never left my mind and I decided to purchase it from my pocket money. I found that I had just Rs 30 in my pocket money.
With those Rs 30, I went to the owner and told him that I wanted to purchase the limping puppy but I had just part of the money and I would remit the balance money as an when I get it.
The owner was happy and told me that I could keep it for free. He did not need money for that puppy as it could not run like others.
I was a bit disappointed now and said, ‘I don’t want you to give the puppy to me free of cost. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I’ll pay full price. In fact, I’ll give you Rs 30 now, and Rs 70 a month later’
He asked me that was money the only consideration why I had shortlisted the limping puppy?
He thought that I could manage only ‘that much’ with all the money I had and therefore I was eager to have it. But the case was different.
To his surprise, I reached down and rolled up my pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. I looked up at the owner and softly replied, ‘Well, I don’t run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!’”
My mom had to accept me because I was her child but the little puppy deserved love inspite of the problems it had. It deserved understanding, care, and unconditional acceptance.
He was in tears after he came to know as to why I had selected ” the black limping dog”.
We always need someone who cares for us and understands us.
Who could better value and understand a limping puppy rather than a boy who himself had a crippled leg supported by a metal brace???
My Grandmother was typically old-fashioned lady with her own absurd and old ideas but she was my best buddy in times of need. A hug from her made my day bright and I forgot what I was going through. she had her own ways of teaching me the priceless things which no one else would ever tell me.
One day I was fed up and it had been almost 14 years since I got married. I left my in-laws’ place and started complaining her about how many difficulties I was facing and how disgusted I felt at times.
My parents immediately took my side and said I was right in behaving in a certain way. Their acceptance for my behaviour or accepting my irritation towards my in-laws made me happy. I felt that at least someone on the earth really ‘ understands me’.
But my grandmother did not say anything. she simply kept quiet and asked me to talk to her the next morning.
The next morning, I expected her to hug me and console me as I was fuming with anger. But she did not utter a word. She stood in the kitchen and was busy cooking something.
I thought that she was not interested in my affairs so I was leaving but she called me up again and kept three different pots of water for boiling on the gas burner.
When the water started boiling, she added Potato to one pot, an egg to the other and tea leaves to the last one.
I was patiently but angrily seeing all this. After all, was done, she removed it from the gas burner and asked me what it was.
As such my mind was not in control so I rudely replied POTATOES, EGG and TEA.. what else could we get, we had just kept that on the gas burner… I was about to leave when she asked me to have a cup of tea.
I sipped the tea and felt relieved. Later she asked me to touch the potato. I could feel that it had turned soft, which was quite hard before boiling.
Then she asked me to touch the egg. The egg’s outer shell had become hard and when I broke it, I found it was boiled inside.
The tea leaves had already blended themselves into a fine cup to tea which I had already drunk.
I thought that the party was over. My grandma stopped me and gave me an important lesson.
She told that all three, the potato, the egg, and tea leaves faced same boiling water—- the adversity but each one reacted differently.
The potato went in strong, hard, and unrelenting, but in boiling water, it became soft and weak.
The egg was fragile, with the thin outer shell protecting its liquid interior until it was put in the boiling water. Then the inside of the egg became hard.
However, the tea leaves were unique. After they were exposed to the boiling water, they changed the water and created something new.
‘Which are you,’ she asked me. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a potato, an egg, or tea leaves?’
This was an eye-opener for me and I realised that it is me who decides how to react or respond to situations.
I and my younger brothers – my twin brothers, were too naughty in childhood. Every day was a challenge for my mother and she was unsure whether we would return home with all bones intact after playing outside for long hours. I still remember we used to drive a bicycle really fast in the society lanes, do skating, run fast without even bothering for the traffic and the passers nearby.
We used to catch butterflies, tadpoles, chase pigs and dogs. we did all the things which seemed rubbish to the elder people.
Even at school too, we managed to keep our teachers on her toes. We used to jump from the benches meant for studying, hit one another and whatnot. We did all sorts of fun which you can’t even imagine. The teacher literally waited for school to get over each day.
One such day I was driving a bicycle and my younger brothers were sitting on the rear seat. It was back in 1987 so there wasn’t much traffic on the roads. I was driving really fast and both of them were encouraging me to drive even faster.
While all of us were enjoying the fast ride, my leg slipped from the pedal of the bicycle and I fell down from the seat. One of my legs was touching the ground and the other was on the pedal. I was literally being dragged on the road. I was barely able to control the steering.
My brothers were scared and were screaming not knowing what would happen next. One of them grabbed my hand tightly and his nails were literally piercing my body. He was trying to pull me up on the seat.
I felt that the bicycle was uncontrollable and we could fall at any moment so my childish brain decided to do a crash landing. A bike was coming from the opposite side and he even commented on us that ” see those three kids are doing circus on the road” . To avoid ramming into the bike I tried to push the steering slightly and all of us fell in the bush with a bang!
My little brothers were hurt a bit but blood was oozing from my leg. I knew my mom would give me a good scolding but what happened next surprised me.
My mother cleaned my wounds, applied the cream to it and was searching for other wounds on my body if any. She found that on my hands I had marks of nails. when she inquired, I told her that my brother was trying to pull me up on the seat and maybe due to that I was hurt by his nails. His effort kept me hanging on the bicycle and we all were saved from a major accident.
Today also, both the scars are there on my body but both tell a different story. One tells the story how I was hurt and the scars on the hand depict -how my little brother tried to help me in whatever way he could.
Similarly, in life, we have scars from the painful past. Sometimes we foolishly fall prey to difficult situations and we forget that our enemy is waiting. That’s when the tug of war begins between LIFE and GOD.
That’s why some wounds we have because God wouldn’t let go. In adversity, he holds our hands and makes it a point to land us in a safe place. He is the one who teaches us that when an arrow is pulled back, he is definitely going to launch it ahead with tremendous speed in life. He pulls us back just to launch us ahead with great speed.
So, we should be grateful to God always for being with us. He has secret ways to help us in every possible way! A scar taught me many things in life..
I remember, as a child I used to remain contented and happy with small things in life. Life was really good that time and happiness stayed together always. But as I grew up life became complex and the little things which brought me happiness earlier now made me feel nostalgic and sad rather. My grand mother used to tell me many stories but I used to listen to it and soon forget it. I remember one such story which she told me and which was probably difficult for me to understand at that age but today I understand what she meant. Sharing the same with you.
Once there was a wealthy man who had accumulated tons of wealth in his life. He had a great family, a big house, many servants and all sorts of things which he wished in life. But still when he was in late 60’s he kept feeling empty and that he was not happy. He tried to go to many monks and temples to get peace and happiness but he could not find it. Something from within was killing him and his happiness and he was eager to find happiness.
One day he announced that anyone who would give him back the key to be happy will get a prize. Many people tried to guide him but everyone failed.
Once when he was sitting idle a person from the village whom whole village refered to as a mad man came to him and asked him to go to a specific person in another village. He said that man named Mullah will probably give him happiness.
The wealthy person decided to give it a try. He carried all his precious jewels in a bag and tied it around his neck and went to meet Mullah.
The Mullah was sitting on a tree. Seeing this wealthy person he quickly climbed down and the wealthy person asked him the key to happiness.
Before Mullah could answer he saw that the wealthy person was holding the bag tightly in his hands. He asked him what it was and came to know that it consisted of precious jewels which he had accumulated over his lifetime.
Mullah without thinking grabbed his bag and ran fast. The wealthy person tried to follow him but it was all in vain. He kept thinking that he lost his jewels too in the quest of happiness. He shouldn’t have listened to the mad man in the village.
He sat under the same tree where he met Mullah- lamenting his decision.
After one hour Mullah came there once again with the bag full of jewels and asked him how he felt ?
The wealthy person quickly grabbed his bag and held it close to his chest. Happiness was seen on his face and he felt contented.
Mullah asked him about his feelings . The wealthy man said that when he snatched the bag he was disappointed and unhappy and when he got it back he felt happy and contented.
Mullah replied that it was precisely the key to happiness. This was the same bag of wealth which he possessed earlier too but it failed to give him the happiness. It’s loss created a sense of unhappiness in him and when he got it back he again became happy.
The key to happiness is to value the things and just think of how our life would be without them. Be it your wealth, your loved ones, your relations, your friends …. anything. If you learn to value them, happiness will never leave you!
Just think of how your life would be without them and be grateful EVERY MOMENT – only then you will be happy!
LEARN TO VALUE THINGS WHICH YOU HAVE, THINK OF LIFE WITHOUT THEM…. YOU WILL SURELY GET HAPPINESS AND FEEL GRATEFUL FOR WHAT LIFE HAS GIVEN TO YOU!
Time is always a best healer and for me its a teacher too. It has been precisely 24 years now, it taught me a lesson which I can never ever forget. We always teach our children to be kind to others, to be on time , to speak the truth always but when it comes to practice we often break our own rules and start making excuses.
My son , my ONLY son was in Indian Army and as a mother I always used to be worried about him. He would often call up and come to meet us whenever he got an opportunity. I remember the last time he called up was after the Kargil war. India won the war and there were celebrations in the country. He made us proud one more time but this time his call after we had won the war was a little disturbing.
He said that he wanted to visit us along with his one friend from the army who would hence forth stay with us. He said that his friend had lost his one hand and one leg in the war and was a handicap and that he didn’t have a family of his own. From childhood I had taught my son to help the needy so he expected us to accept his friend and allow him to stay with us.
We thought about it and finally decided that we can’t continue to help him for the rest of his life. Managing a few days was ok but for the whole of the balance life it was difficult and hence I called up my son saying that it was not possible to entertain his request this time.
Few months passed and my son did not visit us. I thought he was angry with us because we denied his request to let his handicap friend stay with us. But time had a different story to tell.
Few years later we received a call from Army that our son had died and they were sending his corpse soon. When his dead body arrived we were sad to see that he had just one hand and one leg. He had lost it in Kargil war and never wanted to be a burden on us. That was the reason he made up a story and wanted to know our views on whether we could support his handicap friend. His handicap friend was none other than he himself.
He taught me to be KIND to other’s ALL THE TIME.
Today I regret , only if I could have shown a little compassion, little kindness, my son could have been happy. We need to adhere to our values always —-