The “BUSY” Ant..

black ants
Photo by Syed Rajeeb on Pexels.com
 I was feeling lonely, depressed and sitting alone just doing nothing at all. Just gazing out of the window and a soft sad song was playing in the background. But I was not in the mood to listen to it either.
Sometimes you miss someone so much that you simply don’t feel like doing anything at all. No music, no reading, no activity, no long rides and no attempts to divert your mind work.
Even alcohol does not work because after having it you miss the person even more. Rather than the physical pain the emotional pain kills a person.
23 long years had passed since I had lost my ‘only’ friend. I always blamed myself for her demise and never ever wished to make any friend thereafter.
But then someone came into my life like a ray of hope. At first, I resisted accepting that I was once again going to fall in love with someone but time made me do so.
But my ray of hope was short-lived. It was not a ray of hope, it was a rainbow… Soon my new friend got TOO BUSY, she had own family, aspirations and dreams.
I kept on waiting for her call, a message – but all I got was a ” busy status”. Although in her what’s app status she had mentioned ” available”, she was always busy.
I tried a lot many times in all possible ways to tell her as to how miserable I felt if we did not communicate,  but she never understood it. All she felt was that she was only a call away.
It was true that she was just a call away and never ever denied to talk with me whenever I called her but then… I could sense from her voice that she was busy with something else. The love in her texts, the concern in her voice was all lost somewhere.
She had time for everything except me. Out of the 24 hours available it was difficult for her to give me just 1 minute even. Often she would drop a message on what’s app and log off not even waiting for me to revert back.
She knew that I waited for her ” good morning” messages every single day but at times she would just log in and log off what’s app without even caring for me. All she said was love does not always need expression. Her messages made each day special and without her message each day was like HELL.
At times I would get angry, hurt myself the other times I would simply cry! She occupied my mind for 24 hours even at night I used to dream about her and utter her name. she always used to say that ” I LOVE EXTREMES” and it was true! I stopped using what’s app because she was not there….Everything in my life began with her and ended with her only!
I used to record her all calls so that whenever I missed her, I would listen to it. It was music for my soul.
Slowly everything changed and I had to accept that I was all alone once again. There were bound to be few calls, no what’s app chats nothing at all left in the relationship anymore which showed that we loved one another.
There was just a series of misunderstandings between us. Although we loved each other but failed to communicate. Rather she never desperately felt a need for it and I always felt that it was needed to make a relationship last forever!
So, I decided to sit in a lawn and have a cup of tea. Tea was one thing which never left me and it was my 2 am friend. That evening, I was just sipping a hot cup of tea with her thoughts in my mind when I saw a long line of ants. I saw that however busy they were in their own work still they would meet the ant coming from other direction and touch their heads with one another. Later they got engrossed in their own work.
I smiled a bit seeing how they took out the time from their busy lives just to say hello to one another. Little insects, even they knew that it was necessary to stay in touch which we humans seldom understand and accept.
I don’t know why tears rolled up my eyes seeing their love for one another. But I really don’t know what was going on in my mind. I took a small thin stick and tried to break their line. I tried to break it once and twice but every time they would go and assemble together again.
Somehow the pain that my best friend didn’t love me the way I wanted kept on hurting me. So I took the thin stick and separated one ant from the group. I picked it up delicately and kept it on my table. I was watching its efforts to go back and I was making desperate attempts not to allow it to go.
Still, somehow it managed to climb down. I was furious this time and picked it up. Later I made a big circle boundary with the help of water on the table which was dry inside and kept it in the inner core. The ant was trying desperately to go out from all the sides but it could not and I was feeling happy. I don’t know why.
ant trapped in the circle
I was really sad to see that the other ants kept themselves busy and did not even bother to look for the missing ant. Sometimes I would presume myself as the trapped ant. It was a mind game. But I was feeling a bit relaxed.
Slowly but consistently the trapped ant was making more efforts to go out. I felt that no one cared for her and her group did not even feel her absence. Neither her presence nor her absence made any difference to anybody.
Slowly I made up my mind that the   I /ant has to die! I kept on narrowing the circle filling it with a little more water each time and watching the ant struggle to go back to her friends.
All her legs were wet and the ant could barely walk now. I dried it a little bit and again it began to struggle to go out. It did not give up till the last moment. I silently kept on watching it’s struggle.
 But if I could not get my loved one back in my life, why should I allow it to????
Finally, I filled up  circle with full  water and watched the little ant die.
I wiped my eyes with a tissue paper and with the same tissue wiped the table on which lay the dead ant. My mind went blank. Emotionally I was dead now even though physically I was living!
Later I uttered,
No one is always busy,
 
It’s just a question of priorities,
 
If someone seriously wants to be with you,
 
They will never find excuses,
 
rather they will make efforts.
 
It takes less than a minute to let someone know that you miss them…
 
And ” IF” someone really loves you, they won’t miss a chance to express it…
 
YOUR presence never mattered to them….
 
Your absence never will!
Archana Prabhune..

8 thoughts on “The “BUSY” Ant..

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      Archana Prabhune..

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