Time is always a best healer and for me its a teacher too. It has been precisely 24 years now, it taught me a lesson which I can never ever forget. We always teach our children to be kind to others, to be on time , to speak the truth always but when it comes to practice we often break our own rules and start making excuses.
My son , my ONLY son was in Indian Army and as a mother I always used to be worried about him. He would often call up and come to meet us whenever he got an opportunity. I remember the last time he called up was after the Kargil war. India won the war and there were celebrations in the country. He made us proud one more time but this time his call after we had won the war was a little disturbing.
He said that he wanted to visit us along with his one friend from the army who would hence forth stay with us. He said that his friend had lost his one hand and one leg in the war and was a handicap and that he didn’t have a family of his own. From childhood I had taught my son to help the needy so he expected us to accept his friend and allow him to stay with us.
We thought about it and finally decided that we can’t continue to help him for the rest of his life. Managing a few days was ok but for the whole of the balance life it was difficult and hence I called up my son saying that it was not possible to entertain his request this time.
Few months passed and my son did not visit us. I thought he was angry with us because we denied his request to let his handicap friend stay with us. But time had a different story to tell.
Few years later we received a call from Army that our son had died and they were sending his corpse soon. When his dead body arrived we were sad to see that he had just one hand and one leg. He had lost it in Kargil war and never wanted to be a burden on us. That was the reason he made up a story and wanted to know our views on whether we could support his handicap friend. His handicap friend was none other than he himself.
He taught me to be KIND to other’s ALL THE TIME.
Today I regret , only if I could have shown a little compassion, little kindness, my son could have been happy. We need to adhere to our values always —-
It was a sunday and as usual my husband brought something to eat in the morning. He often brings typical Gujarati snacks for the breakfast or simply bread and butter. That day he brought bread and started applying butter on the slices.
He always offered the first slice of the bread which is a little rough – to me. I always kept on thinking that he offers me the roughest part of the bread -the heel and everyone else gets chance to eat the soft ones. For me, kids eating the soft bread was perfectly ok but then my husband too ate the soft part and gave me the rough one always, that hurt me the most.
I kept on thinking about it and the more deeper I went in thoughts, the more I felt that he did not care for me. I was getting a feeling of being un-loved. That day I decided that I will talk to him regarding this. Only bread was not the issue. There were many things going on in my mind which probably I never dared to tell him fearing that I might hurt his feelings or he might not even bother to reply.
Still, one more time he brought the bread after some days and this time I had decided that I will let him know how hurt I felt when he offered me the heel part -the roughest slice of the bread. I told him that I didn’t like eating the heel and was surprised to see him happy. He joyfully ate it and later told me that he always wanted to eat the heel part but offered it to me thinking that I loved to eat it. He always wished to tell it to me that he loved to eat it but never ever got a chance.
Believe me for 15 years I have been eating the roughest slice just thinking that he offered it to me because no one else liked it and he kept forgoing it for me thinking that I loved to eat it.
The matter was of course very small but such misunderstandings do happen in beautiful relationships.
Why is it that we take everything to our heart? Why can’t we convey our true feelings? Life is really simple, we make it complex due to our ego and over thinking isn’t it?
If you don’t like the thing which life is offering to you simply let someone know, may be God has some better options for you which you never ever imagined.
Do let me know your views on the above in the comments section.
mangne se to dua bhi kubool hoti hai,
bin mange jo de de wohi saccha dost hai!
Dedicated to my best friends sanjay and monika who offer me unconditional help whenever I need it, without me asking for the same..
I was roaming in my garden and I found a very tiny velvet touch red insect. Red colour attracts me the most so I slowly picked it up and kept it safely in a matchbox. I packed it with soft cotton and tried to keep tiny pieces of leaves in it to be eaten by the insect. I used to call it Velvet, because it was red and soft like a velvet.
One day after I came from school my mom noticed me taking the match box and she thought that I was igniting fire. She came to know about the insect and tried to convenience me in vain to leave it in its natural habitat. But I thought that I loved it and wanted to keep it with me.
Every morning before going to school I would check out for the tiny insect, touch it lovingly and keep some leaves inside the matchbox for it. while at school too , I kept thinking about my little Velvet. It’s thoughts revolved around me for 24 hours. When I came back from school my first job was to have a look inside the matchbox for Velvet and touch it. At night too I would keep it right besides my pillow but my mom did not like it.
She always told me not to ‘ overdo’ the things. But I never listened to her. For me either I could overdo the things or do nothing at all. There were always two extremes in my life and I never had a balanced view.
A week later I found that Velvet was motionless. It lay dead inside the matchbox. In spite of me taking its best care, offering it best leaves to eat, it had died. For me it was a big loss which no one could understand because for everyone else it was just a small insect but for me… it occupied my mind and heart for 24 hours. I was unable to get it out of my mind even for a second. I would cry and lament and one day my mom came to console me and said;
” Was it really love? You tried to hold it so hard and took great care of it but what was the end result? You made it a prisoner and said that you loved it. Instead of that it could have been better if you had left it in garden, at least it could have survived. If you love someone or something set it free, if it comes back to you, it is your’s. If it does not, then it never was!” I cried too much and felt that I was responsible for its death and my love killed the insect.
Today also, I can’t leave the habit of overdoing things in spite of my best efforts. But yes… I have learnt to set the person free even though I love him/her too much. It keeps pinching my soul and I just keep waiting for a person to return to me. But I have learnt to keep everything in my heart.
“shokh nahi hai mujze sare aam apne jasbado ko likhne ka,
Magar aur koi jariya bhi to nahi tuz se baat karne ka…..”
After 15 years of marriage I realized that I am still immature and childish…. My husband feels that way and some other close acquaintances too feel that I behave in a very immature way. I never ever paid heed to it and continued playing games with my kids who love to play with me because I too become crazy like a child while playing. One day my husband returned from office only to find me playing football with them in our society’s lane. From his stern look I could make out that he did not like it and he just uttered the word , ‘ let the kids play alone, stop being childish’.
At times, I would start wondering and get depressed thinking that was I really immature and childish? Was it the reason he spoke a little with me? Did he really think that I was an immature lady? What does being mature mean then? Does it mean I have to behave in decent way as if I am in an office? Or does it mean that I cannot play with my own kids to make them happy? Or does it mean that I should not run away from my responsibility? Whatever the case may be, I was totally disappointed by this tag and I always wished my husband to be like me, enjoying life’s little pleasures and making fun out of literally anything.
One fine day I was totally frustrated and decided to test his love for me in my own childish way. Because that was the only thing I could do nicely and with perfection and my husband would agree to it 100% .
I wrote a letter to him stating that I was fed up with his attitude just as he was fed up with mine. I wrote that it hurt me that he kept thinking me childish always and I could never ever be the way he wanted me to be. I finally ended this letter with a good-bye saying that I will not return back to him again.
I knew in his mind he will be thinking that I am an irresponsible, immature person who left the kids all alone but then I really wanted to test his love for me. But as per my nature I wanted to see his reaction after reading my letter. So I kept the letter on the dining table under the paper weight and hide under the bed waiting for him to read it.
He came from the office , had a glass of water and was searching for me but he could not find me. He took out chips from the cupboard and sat in front of TV without even bothering to give me a call. Anger was on my nerves now. I wanted him to read the letter and react. I thanked God, his phone was lying on the same table on which I had kept the letter and fortunately and it rang just in time. When he came to pick it up he found my letter. He read it casually as if it was just another note…. He never took anything regarding me ‘seriously’.
I was really furious now, even after knowing that I had left his home , he did not do anything.. I was about to come out of my hiding place when I saw him dancing and whistling with joy. He seemed happy and overjoyed rather than crushed and heart-broken.
He called some one up saying , ” Hey babe! I came home from the office just now and was glad to know that my childish wife had run away from the house. Now we don’t have anyone to bother us, I’ll just change and then we will go to Hotel on a date for a candle light dinner and on a long drive after that”. But before he called up, he scribbled something on my letter. Soon , he got ready and left the home.
I was in tears now. I knew the man who called my childish did not love me and there was some other girl in his life – matured and well-behaved! May be that is why he avoided me and kept calling me childish . I was all broken but still was curious to see what he had scribbled on my letter. So I opened it with tears in my eyes and was taken aback by what he wrote…..
He had written, ” Dear Archana, I came home from office really tired and I could see your feet when you were hiding under the bed. I am going out to buy bread and butter. So my dear idiot wife, sometimes it is good to make fun out of serious things-like the way you do it always and remember that I LOVE YOU just the way you are..”
Dedicated to my loving husband Prasanna and my sister in law- Anjali.
How and why to Train the mind to respond not react
Let’s start it with a story by Sunder Pichai – Google CEO
The Cockroach Story
“At a restaurant, a cockroach suddenly flew from somewhere and sat on a lady.
She started screaming out of fear.
With a panic-stricken face and trembling voice, she started jumping, with both her hands desperately trying to get rid of the cockroach.
Her reaction was contagious, as everyone in her group also got panicky.
The lady finally managed to push the cockroach away but… it landed on another lady in the group.
Now, it was the turn of the other lady in the group to continue the drama
The waiter rushed forward to rescue.
The waiter stood firm, composed himself and observed the behavior of the cockroach on his shirt.
When he was confident enough, he grabbed it with his fingers and threw it out of the restaurant.
Sipping my coffee and watching the amusement, the antenna of my mind picked up a few thoughts and started wondering, was the cockroach responsible for their historic behavior?
If so, then why was the waiter not disturbed?
He handled it near to perfection, without any chaos.
It is not the cockroach, but the inability of those people to handle the disturbances caused by the cockroach, that disturbed the ladies.
I realized that it is not the shouting of my father or boss or my wife that disturbs me, but it’s my inability to handle the disturbances caused by their shouting that disturbs me.
It’s not the traffic jams on the road that disturbs me, but the inability to handle the disturbance caused by the jam that disturbs me.
More than the problem, it’s my reaction to the problem that created chaos in my life.
Lessons learned from the story:
I understood I should not react in life. I should always respond.
The women reacted, whereas the waiter responded.
Reactions are always instinctive whereas responses are always well thought of.
A beautiful way to understand…. LIFE
The person who is HAPPY is not because Everything is RIGHT in his life..
He is HAPPY because his ATTITUDE towards Everything in his Life is RIGHT..!!
Often, situations and people don’t turn up the way we want them to be giving us the reason to be upset. It’s plainly our choice whether we react to it like a soda bottle out of which the drink spills out even when shacked slightly or like a plain water bottle which does not spill itself even if shacked vigorously. We decide how we handle our emotions. We have a CHOICE.
Just think of it this way if the situation is capable of creating a positive or negative impact then it would have an equal impact on everyone but it is not so. One thing might disturb me too much whereas the same may not even bother you. This itself proves that it is not the situations or the people whom we always blame for our unhappiness are responsible but it is in our attitude, how we respond to it which makes us unhappy. The best way to learn how to respond and not to react to situations is by practicing it on a regular basis for small and trivial matters. Once it becomes a habit we can apply it to big situations too. It becomes an automatic process then without much effort.
You might ask me then why is it that some people sometimes handle big situations in life gracefully and get upset over petty matters. Is it that they have trained their minds only to respond to big situations and react to the small ones? The answer is NO. They handle the big situations nicely because they know that such situations occur rarely whereas in small things they react because it re-occurs frequently. In big situations, they are ready to face whereas in small situations which occur every day they EXPECT from others hence give up all their power.
We need to understand that it is not the people or the situations which are responsible but it is the way we react to them which matters. How we feel has nothing to do with the way they behave with us. To justify it, on one hand, try to place any situation and on the other hand place your response. Now see whether the two hands are related. No, they are different. Assume that you had a very hectic day at the office and are back from work and suddenly get a phone call from your spouse that he is coming with two of his friends for dinner. How would your mood be now? I bet you will be damn irritated. But then if someone you dearly love drops in a surprise visit then? Would your reaction be the same at that time? Will you still feel the same irritation? I guess you answered no. What if you are damn irritated due to something and you suddenly hear good news, does it take even a moment to change your mood from being upset to being happy? No isn’t it? Now just ponder, if it would have depended on the situations then dropping of a stranger to dinner and that of a loved one would have created the same impact but it didn’t. This is enough to justify that it does not depend on the situations but the way we take it. More than the problem, it’s our reaction to the problem that creates chaos in our lives.
Don’t use words obvious, normal, and simple in simple things which upset you. It is because if you are feeling hurt due to something and you say “ It’s oblivious to get hurt if someone insults you in public” and someone endorses your thought then it becomes your thought process that whatever your reaction to the situation was is correct and you don’t feel the need to change it anymore. We start believing that creating hurt is normal and then it becomes a habit with many of us. So learn to disconnect emotions from the situations.
I guess all of us have some ‘irritating people’ in our friend circle. The moment we label those persons as irritating we create a thought in our mind that he/she equals to irritation. So every time we are with them irritation is normal. But we need to understand that it, not the person who is irritating but it is the behavior which irritates us. Just for a second pause and ask yourself that will it be possible for you not to create irritation in mind when you meet that person? Maybe your mind says YES but the very next question the mind puts before you is ‘why should I change? ‘It’s because you want PEACE. Peace is internal it is not external. Don’t put labels on the people because when you do it then you have given up the choice to respond. When we put a label then experimenting with the idea becomes a difficult task. Our mind creates billions of thoughts every day so mark your words, every word, every thought is energy. Every time it’s a choice of thoughts and words. Lower vibes are created due to negative words and thoughts and the same is the case with high vibes. Even when we are in the lowest situation of our life, we can respond in the best way if we have trained my mind to respond that way and the reverse is also true. Fill yourself with positive vibes and thoughts and do things but take care not to react to people, respond. Keep the focus on the mind.
Between the stimulus and the response lies our choice. It’s our choice to respond or react. Instead of asking why did this happen to me? Ask yourself how should I respond to it? We all know choices are difficult sometimes and each choice has a consequence to weigh. So before making the choice pay attention to the consequence and decide whether you will be in the position to bear the results. Moral dilemmas are easy to deal because they are always between good and bad whereas ethical dilemmas are difficult to deal because they are between good & good and bad & bad. The choices we make can be informed choices – the one which requires our knowledge, skill, intellect, deliberation or they can be transformed choices based on spiritual strength. We need to make a combination of both if we need to succeed in life!
I was totally disappointed with the way the things were moving in life. Every time I found that no one really bothered for my feelings and no one loved me the way I wanted. All the time I kept feeling was that I was supposed to do so many things for everyone without even bothering whether they feel the same for me or not. Tired with my own thoughts I decided to go to a park and sit idle doing nothing at all. I sat under an old willow tree which had shed many leaves. I was so much disappointed with the life that all I could see was only the ‘ negative’ part of the things. I felt myself too was just like that tree, standing in hot sun of emotions just giving shadow of love and care and other things to others. I was sitting on a bench doing nothing at all just watching some kids play in the park but my mind was constantly lamenting. I was feeling lonely, sad and broken deep down inside. I was simply unable to enjoy the beauty of nature nearby and share the joy of the kids playing there. Still somehow I decided to be seated for a while.
I was down in my own thoughts and if that weren’t enough to ruin my day , a young boy out of the breath approached me. He stood right before me with his head tilted down and with a great excitement he said, ” look what I found !”
I saw all he was holding was a small flower in his hand which was perhaps the ugliest flower in the park with all worn out petals and it was just a lifeless flower. Just to please the boy, I faked the smile and shifted away but instead of retreating he sat next to my side and kept talking. I wasn’t much interested in it. He took the flower in his hands and gently smelling it overreacted that it smelt like a perfume and that’s why he gifted it to me. I did not even bother to look at the boy.
The weed before me was dying or dead. It did not have any vibrant colours nor a great smell but still I took it from the boy just not to disappoint him. He held it in the mid-air for me to reach it and when I was about to grab the flower in my hands I noticed a terrible thing which moved my heart and had me in tears. The boy was BLIND.
I heard my own voice quiver, tears shone like the sun, as I thanked him for picking the very best one. ” You are welcome” he smiled and then he ran off to play unaware of the impact he had on my day.
I sat there and wondered how he managed to see, A self-pitying women beneath an old willow tree. How did he know about my self indulged plight? Perhaps from his heart he had been blessed with a true sight which the other people from whom I expected much could never ever see.
Through the eyes of a blind child at last I could see that the problem was not with the world, the problem was with me. I expected a lot from everyone and that disturbed me. For the first time after so many days I was feeling positive and for all those times I myself had been blind, I vowed to see the beauty in life and appreciate every second that’s mine.
And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose and breathed in the fragrance of the beautiful rose. And I smiled as I watched that young boy with another weed in his hand about to change life of an unsuspecting old man.
I heard this story when I was very small from my parents. But I still treasure the message it conveys. You too may have heard it in your childhood, but in childhood, it was just a story … but no one told me the second part of the story which I came to know much later.
Once there was a jungle and many animals lived in it. Amongst them lived a small family of a sparrow, his wife, and two kids. They were very happy in the lush green forest and had very understanding and caring neighbors. They all used to help each other in times of difficulties and shared all joy’s and pains together.
The crow was the eldest member of the family and he used to visit sparrow’s house daily.
Once there was a thunderstorm in the forest with heavy rains and all animals and birds moved to their homes. Unfortunately, the crow’s house was washed away in heavy rains. He knew the sparrow very well so thought of going to her place.
He knocked at her door but she said that she was busy giving a bath to her kid. The crow waited patiently all drenched wet. After some time again he knocked on the door, but this time the sparrow said that she was busy making her baby sleep and asked him to be a little more patient. Again after some time, the crow knocked the door only to hear the sparrow say that she was busy feeding her little one. Alas! the crow flew away from there.
After some time, the rains stopped and the sparrow realized how horrible rain it had been outside in the forest and how she kept the crow waiting all the time. After realizing this she hurriedly went and opened the door but there was no one outside. she felt a little bad about it but soon got engrossed in her work thinking that he might return later sometime.
Every day she would wait for the crow and a week passed by. Sometimes she felt that someone was knocking at the door and with the expectation to see the crow, opened it only to find that it was just her imagination. Now, she got desperate and wanted to know what happened that night when it was raining heavily… was the crow safe? where was he? why was he not coming to meet her? was he angry with her? So… many questions kept coming to her mind but it was impossible for her to keep her little ones at home and search for the crow. Still somehow one day she gathered courage and went in the forest all alone to search for the crow. she kept moving all day long without even having a grain to eat. she kept moving from one tree to another in search of the crow calling ‘ chew’ ‘ chew’ … but she could not find him.
At last tired, she decided to give up the search and sat on the branch wondering what might have happened the stormy night and thinking was it right on her part to neglect the crow. She was drowned in her own thoughts when she saw a crow coming to her. she recognized him and her eyes were filled with tears of joy. On one hand, she felt sorry for neglecting him on a stormy night and on the other she felt happy to see him safe. The crow immediately took her to his home and told her that she was busy that stormy night but he too had to take care of his family so he build a separate nest and was so busy that then after never ever returned to the sparrow’s house.
The crow said, ” Sparrow dear, my doors will be always open to you no matter what time it is. You are always welcome to my home and I will be present to greet you”. On these words, tears rolled down the sparrow’s eyes and she knew that the crow would never ever return back to her. With a heavy heart, she left the place and kept wondering whether she should feel happy that the crow found his own home or she should feel sad because he no longer cared for her.
Aren’t our lives also such? Someone loves us truly and keeps us in his/ her prayers, messages us, calls us but sometimes we just ignore saying that ” we are busy..” For whom are we earning then? If it is for them then can’t we give them a little bit of our time? If relations aren’t that important to us then what is the differnce between humans and machines?
Have you ever thought of the day, if that person who loves you dearly finds the other way out and stops coming to you? Will, you not miss him/her? It is not always that someone keeps loving you. Everything changes with time and some things gone are GONE FOREVER! Ignore a person once and you’ll teach him/ her to live without you. Are you prepared to live without them? If NO, you still have time, go to them and tell them how much they matter to you before it’s too late. Because some changes in life can never ever be reversed they become memories and only memories have the capacity to make you smile or cry . The choice yours!
My friend was scolding me, ” chappal lekar marunga tuze. kyu apni life ek ladki ke peche barbad karne pe tula hai, bhool jaa use aur tere mummy – papa ki baat maan kar naye rishte ke liye haa bol de, jaa kar ek baar mil to le fir decide karna”. I don’t know why but I was simply unable to forget Kavya. She was my first love. she was kind of girl who could easily make up my mood from my texts, who would call me up at 2 A.M and chat with me, who would fall sick deliberately just to have me by her side, who would simply go to any extent just to have me around. I still remember, when I had gone to Germany for higher studies and she was in India, we had a time difference of four and half hours. She used to stay awake at 2 am and chat with me or just wait for my message and when I asked her why she was awake, she just casually replied ” neend nahi aati mujze”. I was the reason for her sleepless nights. It was simply impossible for me to forget the girl who had given me EVERYTHING in life.
Trying to look as normal as possible I decided to meet the girl whom my parents wanted me to meet. Myself and Aparna met in a restaurant and she was a little nervous. For all the time I was busy with my mobile barely paying attention to what she was saying. I had made up my mind that I will never marry any girl in my life. I had a call from my office and my boss wanted me to prepare a presentation immediately. I asked Aparna if she could accompany me to the office so that later on I could chat with her and save myself from the horrible scolding’s from my parents. She too agreed and it was just a matter of half an hour and she decided to wait for me outside the office.
But it took me really long to complete the work and I went downstairs after 5 long hours completely forgetting that she was waiting for me. But I was surprised to find that she was waiting for me and when I asked her why she waited so long, she just innocently replied ” Ghar jati to daat padti – aapko aur mujze bhi .” For a moment I felt nostalgic. Kavya did not bother to wait for me to get a decent job and this girl whom I didn’t know much waited for me just to have a chat. That was the moment I fell in love with her and told her everything about my past relationship with Kavya. I told her how Kavya always wanted me to find a job and marry her, I always felt she wanted me to work and earn money and one day when I finally didn’t go for the interview which she had scheduled she left me saying that I was totally irresponsible and unreliable person.
Once again I started enjoying my life and it was filled with love for Aparna. But kavya was always there on my mind. For the first time I felt that relationships are like drugs: they either kill you or give you the best feeling of your life. The date of our marriage was also fixed and things were moving with a fast pace. Time was flying.
As luck would have it, one day by chance I met Kavya again in an office. Soon she got my number and started contacting me seeing me work in a big MNC. I told her bluntly that I was no longer interested in her and that I was in love with some another girl. But she could sense my love for her and kept following me. Early morning 2 A.M she tried to call me only to find my phone was busy. She immediately understood that I was chatting with Aparna. She texted “those red circles in the notebook were much better than today’s blue ticks, at least I knew where I made a mistake. Please give me one more chance and meet me- kavya.”
But instead of me going there to meet her, Aparna went there and came to know a harsh fact. She came to know that Kavya had left me just to make me realize my responsibilities and start working. She had faced a tough life as she was living all alone in the city and her mother was staying back in the village. Her father had expired long back. Still Aparna pleaded her to forget the past and forget me. Out of anger and frustration Kavya spoke rudely with Aparna.
Kavya loved me truly. All she wanted was to see me happy so she decided to move away from our life and she came to meet us both and said ‘ SORRY’. I cannot describe how I felt. From her perspective she was perfectly right. For once I surely felt that I was wrong in leaving her. Instead of understanding her love for me, I misunderstood her. There was pin drop silence and she left saying nothing at all.
I and Aparna decided to make a fresh beginning and decided to go to a temple. In between she saw a man selling corn and quickly got down from the bike. Without thinking for a moment she ran crossing the road just to get the corn and was met by the speeding truck and died on the spot.
Once again, I was all alone – Kavya and Aparna both had left me. When I came back from Aparna’s funeral and re-read her last what’s app chat, I found a heart she sent was still beating and could not stop my tears.
Today, I have started fearing love just because there is only difference of one letter from
‘Loving’ to ‘ Losing’. Time flies you say, alas! We pass, time stays!
I was sitting in my office preparing the presentation for the meeting. It was around 1 pm and the lunch hour was about to start. I quickly finished my presentation and rushed to the dining room. There was a hot discussion among the staff regarding the helmet controversy. It was made compulsory for the rider and the pillion. I was just listening to each and every comment quietly and soon was lost in my own thoughts. Without finishing my lunch, just went inside my cabin and switched on my laptop with my mind going totally blank. The computer screen was on and prompting for the password which I did not even enter.
I just glanced at the news paper lying in front of me which said that helmet was compulsory for the rider and the pillion for the safety purposes. How I wished that this rule should have been made compulsory 14 years back. I got entangled in my own memories of past which kept on making me smile some days and make me weep the other day.
It all started in a library. Both of us loved to read. We kept on getting close each day sharing all good things that we read. Slowly I realised that other than the books it was something more which was binding us. YES! I was in love with him. Although we both knew this fact yet no one expressed it probably just because we were unable to accept our own feelings. One day he just messaged me that he loved me and quickly deleted what’s app message before I could read it. But I had already read it in my notification and the new what’s app feature could not ruin one more love story. Somewhere deep in my heart I wanted Anay to express it and was waiting for that moment. I never told him that I had read his message and knew that he loved me.
Finally one day he gathered courage and proposed me in a different way. He said, ‘after reading so many books together, I feel that I too can become a writer. I have written a love story and can’t find its end, will you please help me to find the end- will they just be friends or in love with one another’ I read it and came to know it was about us- same names, same characters, same environment. I instantly put an end to story saying him, “I want them to be lovers and just not friends”
Soon our world was filled with colours of love. When you are in love, even the simple things look beautiful to you. I had read it in quotes, but realised it only after falling in love with Anay. Soon everything was just about him and my world revolved around him. If I watched a movie, he would be my hero on the screen and myself his heroine pining for his love. Every song I heard was just expressing my love for him. I even got his name tattooed on my wrist to tell him how much I love him and how much pain I could bear just to get his name tattooed on my wrist. But I was wrong, he loved me even more.
Anay was fond of bikes and one day we decided to go on a long ride. He was always extra cautious and always told me that he took care of himself just because he wanted to live with me rather than die for me. He put on his helmet and we went for a long ride.
Suddenly, out of the blue he asked me to hug him. I thought that he just wanted to get close. Then he asked me to say “I love you Anay’. I thought that this man is bit shy so wants me to express it sitting behind his bike rather than face to face. Soon he took off his helmet on the pretext that it was bugging him and asked me to put it on. I did it as he said just not to make him angry.
The next day, I landed in a hospital with minor injuries and had a news paper lying beside me which read, “Accident on NH8, the motorist died on the spot whereas the pillion rider survived”. I was into tears after reading it. He knew that the brakes of his bike had failed suddenly and hence asked me for the last time to hug him and express my love for him. He gave me his helmet so that at least I would survive in case of an accident. He chose death and gifted me life. He did something even more painful than a tattoo.
Today I sit here in my office just wondering about the end of the love story which didn’t even get a chance to begin with a CPU monitor which blinks and reminds me to enter the password “ the story which never began”!
Diwali was fast approaching and everyone nearby was busy in cleaning their houses, preparing festive dishes, planning a holiday out with family and friends and myself… I was just sitting in my balcony wiping my spectacles trying to read a newspaper. My daughter had got married fourteen years back and my son was staying in America. Four years had passed he had not come to India to meet us. We just had a chance to see him and my little grandson over a video call.
Memories are too strange, sometimes you smile remembering the times you cried together and sometimes you cry remembering the times you laughed together. My eyes were moist with tears so no matter how hard I tried to wipe my spectacles clean, I could not read. Rather I never wanted to read but just to kill the time I was trying to read something and divert my mind. Yes, today I was missing my kids and wanted them to be by side.
My husband, Sunil would often console me saying that it’s their age to earn money and enjoy life. So what if they are away from us, we can still call them and feel loved. But I knew that deep down he was also broken. Every single morning he used to see the news update to see if there is some risk of cyclone or anything like that in America and would immediately call our son, Avi -in case he saw something in news trying to make sure that he was safe. As a protective father, he always cared for our children no matter where they were. He would not speak to me regarding this but when he went with his friends he would often say that he was worried about me. What would happen to me after his demise, how would I live alone? Will my son come here at least for the last rites or will he just send a condolence message over an email? All this things bothered him and I knew it even though he never expressed it before me.
Today was not different at all, and when Sunil returned from the morning walk he found me sitting the balcony wiping tears. He understood that I was missing our kids too much. He understood every word which I didn’t speak. He said nothing at all and went inside the room as if he had not noticed me crying.
Then suddenly he called up my son. It must be around 2 A.M there in America and he yelled at the top of his voice that “for 28 years I have been tolerating tantrums of your mom and it is difficult for me to live with her anymore. She isn’t practical in her approach towards life and so I have decided that we will get divorced” My son, Avi was literally taken aback, he just thought that my husband who always pretended to be so loving, caring and protective, how he could behave like this. Or was it that this attitude was there just for their upbringing, just a ‘ drama’? Whatever the case was, Avi was worried and immediately called up my daughter mentioning all this. He always felt that daughters know how to handle their fathers better than the sons.
The very next moment my daughter called up Sunil asking him the reasons for his behaviour. But I was just sitting there seeing all this happen not knowing what would happen next. I thought that due to my emotional nature Sunil was fed up and I was now speechless. For 28 years we were together and now he wanted to live alone….
I was trying to listen to the conversation and my daughter said “ wait for a week, both us- myself and Avi will come there in Diwali vacation and sort out the things, let me ask him to book tickets to India. WAIT TILL WE COME AND PLEASE DONT DO ANYTHING IN HASTE”
Saying this she hung up the phone. My husband, Sunil later came into the balcony with a cup of tea and biscuits for me and said “See, you wanted them to come here for Diwali isn’t it? Now let’s begin celebrations EVERYONE is coming…our children are coming…” This was a perfect Diwali gift from my husband which I never expected to come to me in an UNEXPECTED WAY….The news of our separation had worked like atom bombs on the minds of our children and they were coming back to India to visit us. I simply couldn’t stop myself and wept keeping my head on his shoulders for his caring nature.
Thanks Sunil for being my loving, caring, protective and understanding life partner – A multi tasker who knows how to get things done in most unexpected ways..